tarot – My Sterling Summer

couch sittin’ and candle burnin’

Why oh why do I wake up so damn early on a Saturday morning with no problem. But during the week I struggle to get up? I will never understand. Maybe it’s so I can enjoy a mid-afternoon snooze later in the afternoon.

I’m sitting here on my couch. Laptop in hand, or lap as it were. My candle is lit and I am watching as the sun’s rays begin to illuminate the skies. Turning from the dark night sky to a beautiful orange ombre. Soon it will be the usual bright blue sky that we are used to during the warm autumn days.

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. I don’t know what it is. But I had a pretty dark moment. Just a feeling of…despair? hopelessness? It was just pure negativity. How to describe it, I’m not sure. Thankfully, it has turned around. I am strong and I know this.

Two years have passed since we moved to this small city. I have no friends here. Not that I had any friends in our previous town, but there was family. I should clarify, there was MORE family. Here it is me, my spouse, and my mom and stepdad. I work remotely, so there are no office acquaintances. I have met two neighbors on our street. We don’t get out a lot. But I am feeling like I need to start getting out at least some.

Going further back, I used to be more social. (shocking) We belonged to a local church and actually had friends! LOL It is there that I, unknowingly at the time, started the journey I am on now. I discovered how much I enjoyed cooking and serving others. While I didn’t do this in a church in our previous “home state,” I was able to do it for family. But now…that is gone and I need to get it back. Not the church part. NO. The service to others. Cooking for others. Fellowship, if you will. But with other like minded individuals.

Not far from my house is an apothecary. I never really gave it much thought – until recently. In fact, I have noticed quite a few of these stores in my general area. Having basically left the church 10 years ago or so, this is a pleasant discovery, considering my place in the universe right now.

Pause ~ ~ ~

Everything you just read was written a little over four months ago and saved as a draft. It all still tracks, so I’m going to keep going.

Carry on ~ ~ ~

I am sitting here with my laptop in front of me overthinking everything that I could write – as per usual. Literally just chatted with a friend who told me something I was pretty sure I already knew. Gotta lose the filter. There is this terrible habit I have. Sometimes I try to write in a way that others would enjoy. Story of my life. Please other people. No. No more.

So what is my place in the universe currently? I am living in one of the reddest states in the country watching our government go to shit. I have been so fucking stressed, anxious, and depressed it’s not even funny. Most of the country can totally relate. I am sure of it. Thank God I have family and friends to help keep me going.

Finding myself, or my purpose in this world, seems to be my life long quest. Wait…that sounds familiar.

(please hold while I look back at my past posts)

Wouldn’t you know it? Exactly one year ago today I was saying the same damn thing. LOL So yeah, the past 12 months have been a bit of a soul searching journey. Sadly, not much has changed in the social status situation, but some things have.

I have learned more, and continue to learn, about the wheel of the year, kitchen witchery, candles, crystals, oracle cards, and I have even posted a few videos on social media about them! Never thought in a million years that I’d put myself out there like that. I do like it and would like to do more for sure.

Oh! I even found a shop in the city that is absolutely amazing. I have never seen anything like it. Crystals, candles, incense, books, jewelry, tarot and oracle cards for days, and so much more. Just walking in there was an experience. I felt it throughout my whole body. Another trip to that shop is in order for sure. But I have to be careful not to walk out with 10 new oracle decks. 😀 (is there a way to add emojis? I’ll have to figure that out)

Speaking of tarot and oracle cards, I pulled a card from my Queen of the Moon deck this morning. It was the “Power” card which says:

“Step into your true power. Shine brightly. Do not hide who and what you are. The time is right to attract big things for yourself. Ancestral energy is important. Open your mind to larger possibilities. Big magic can be wrought…Take this moment to recognize that power and rejoice in it, for your next step is the precursor to your future self.”

This message along with a few other cards I’ve pulled from my other decks recently really feel like the Spirit is telling me something. This new year has the potential to be a great year. Good things won’t just happen, but if I put my work into it…

Then my friend, who is like 2000 miles away, pulled a card for me from her La Muci Tarot deck – “The Hermit.” Basically saying that now is the time to bathe in my own light – time to cultivate it. Yeah. It’s time. I need to focus. Be more me. Stop people pleasing and enjoy life.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy The Olympics! Enjoy The Super Bowl! Listen to some awesome music! Oooh ~ I’ll share a new song I just heard today. Blessed Charlie Puth is bringing Yacht Rock back. (Wait til you hear the one he recorded with Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald *swoon*) I need this album next month. Enjoy!

The light is coming back

Man. January was the longest year I have had in a very long time. WTF. I have been exhausted. Thankfully I have a dear friend to connect with and I even have a mutual on TikTok whose videos I watch and connect with. She seems super nice. I’d like to chat with her, but it seems strange to just message a total stranger. LOL

Lately, my focus has been off terribly. We just entered Imbolc season and I feel like I was just sort of going through the motions. I did a couple of things that I had planned out with my friend, but I’m a solo practitioner and my husband isn’t really aware or concerned with it. Not that I hide it, but it’s just me. It is hard to know exactly what I should be doing. On the other hand, there isn’t anything that “should” be done or “has to” be done. I need to follow my intuition more. That’s where the focus has been off.

With the crazy things that have been happening in our world, the TikTok sale, life…I was running low on motivation. News made me sad, angry, anxious. The new social platform now makes me kinda nervous. Do I want to post videos there anymore? Not that I did much to begin with, but I was considering it. And work just never stops! Shit…I am totally whining. Venting? I have to get stuff off my chest somehow, right? Anyway…

Back to Imbolc. This is the time between the winter solstice and the vernal equinox aka Spring. It is a time we really start to see our days getting longer. I know I have and I love it! The birds are singing up a storm these days. The land is waking up. Those birds will be making nests before we know it. It is time to start planning the garden. The new year is approaching fast and I am hoping this year will provide a more abundant garden, more joy, and more motivation on my part. Connecting to nature is one thing I would like to do. Even if it is just being outside in my yard and enjoying the fresh air. When I was a kid, I was outside ALL.THE.TIME.

Another thing that I’ve been thinking about a lot is my oracle cards. I have four beautiful decks and I enjoy using them as tool to help understand where some work could be done in my life. But I want to share this with others as well. At heart, I am a counselor. Always have been. I am empath, understanding, encouraging and tend to see the good in everything. I even have the “Elemental Empath” oracle deck by Miyuki Rose. Well, I used to be all of those things. It’s been rough over the past few years, you know? This part of my life has been missing it seems. I want it back. These cards can also be used for shadow work. And if it helps me, it can help someone else too.

My dilemma is finding a good time to make videos and/or audio recordings and what platform to post them on. As usual, I start comparing myself to others and the ways that they’re doing it. I need to sit and think about it and decide what feels best for me.

One of the cards I pulled a couple of days ago was the “Beginnings” card from the Queen of the Moon Oracle deck (by Stacey Demarco). It says, “You are offered a fresh start; your journey is beginning. Take the first steps toward something new. It is time to place emphasis on your health and well-being.” This resonates. We are walking toward a new year…a new journey. Being outside with my garden will certainly do good things for my health and well-being. Encouraging others will also help in those areas as well.

Time to put the focus on myself. This is not to say that I would ignore others. But as I have always been told, you can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.

It’s time.

crystals and cards…

So I guess I have made some progress! In the past 10 or so months I’ve gone from my first moon water to having a window sill full of crystals and stones, a drawer full of candles, and even purchased my very first deck of oracle cards. Queen of the Moon Oracle to be exact. It is a beautiful set. I was inspired by a woman I follow over on TikTok. She is new to the practice as well.

The road traveled this year has been somewhat rocky. Stress, anxiety, a garden that I didn’t put my full effort into and still struggling with the whole “I don’t fit in” type of thinking…you know. Those kinds of things. But I know I am moving forward. One step at a time. There are so many things that I want to learn! I have a very bad habit – no, that’s not the right word – character trait? I don’t know. Whatever it is, it makes me get frustrated that I can’t just learn and absorb all of this information instantaneously. LOL Probably ADHD if I’m being honest.

Astrology, crystals, kitchen witchery, candle magick, oracle/tarot, goddesses and gods, – these are all of the things that I want to learn more about. My practice will most certainly be eclectic. And over time, I may be drawn in one direction more than another. The trick here is not to keep overwhelming myself. Because there is so much information out there, it is easy to do. I know I’m repeating myself from other posts, but it’s like another reminder to focus on one subject at a time.

Right now, I want to look at the three oracle cards that I pulled yesterday. Or should I say, the three cards that basically jumped out at me. And if you’re reading this and you use oracle and/or tarot cards and wonder why I’m looking at cards pulled yesterday, well, maybe my card pulling schedule is going to be different. I may use the cards weekly for now. Everyone’s life schedule is different. That’s all!

First up is Balance. This card is actually quite appropriate at this moment. It says that “Extremes of anything are rarely helpful or useful.” Expecting myself to learn it all fast is the extreme. Certainly not helpful or useful. I need to balance the various areas of my practice as I am learning more about them and becoming more comfortable and knowledgeable. We will probably never have ‘perfect’ balance in our lives. But it is important to recognize where the imbalance is (and I’m starting here) and use self-reflection as a tool to help get ourselves/myself more centered and feel less overwhelmed.

The next card is Pleasure. Essentially this card is telling me that I need to stop taking things so seriously, like being stressed out about learning everything at once, and focus on what makes me happy. The booklet that goes with the deck says what we all know. Life these days has gotten us to feel like we have to be ‘doing’ all the time. Like if we aren’t always keeping busy with something, we’re being lazy. No! We need to take breaks in life so that we can experience pleasure. Whether that is a quiet evening on the couch with a glass of wine, candles, and a good book or an afternoon at the museum or heck – you may want or need a good roll in the hay with someone and enjoy each other! LOL

Lastly, I got the card of Self-Reflection. (Funny how the Balance card mentioned this topic) “Be curious about your own nature. Choose to turn inwards to quietly contemplate who and what you are and want.” Talk about a perfect message! One of the things I tried to start during this year is shadow work. But there were so many things buzzing around my brain that it was just another thing that got thrown into the mix and forgotten. This pairs well with the Balance card for sure.

So for me, it will be important to try to set a sort of schedule. With the things going on in my life, it’s not always easy trying to fit something in every day. And some days may just not work at all. We all get exhausted sometimes and that is a hint that you/I may need to just take a day of rest…a mental health break of sorts.

Treat yourself.

Moon, Stars, and Candles

Disclaimer of sorts: This was written about a week ago and I never posted it. I was going to delete it, but I won’t. I want to be real with myself. If I’m stressed or confused, or just unsure, I need to just embrace it…So there we go.

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The last couple of weeks have me rather overloaded. My search for information overloaded my Facebook page with so many other pages that are somewhat related and the suggested pages just won’t stop. On those pages are ideas, suggestions, and information provided by dozens of people with varying interests and opinions. Too much! When I get overloaded like that, I just want to throw it all away. Give up.

But no. That is not what I need to do. I am on a lifelong journey to figure out where I belong. What path I am “supposed to” take. Turns out, that has been the problem all along. I can recollect moments in time through my life where I tried to fit in…to belong. Instead of trying to be part of a clique, I need to just be me. We all need to just be ourselves and stop trying to do things “the right way.” You know?

So here’s the thing. I like horoscopes. I think it is very interesting how the timing of our birth can determine many characteristics that we have. I enjoy looking at the sky. The constellations are intriguing as are the planets in our solar system. I mean, the entire solar system is fascinating! I’m on third round of moon water. Tarot cards are making a little more sense to me. But I don’t fully understand things like spells. Truth be told, that kinda freaks me out. The only ritual that I have embraced at the moment is journaling in the morning by candlelight, and at various times of the day or night.

Putting a label on myself doesn’t feel right. Witch? Wiccan? Pagan? Can I just be a moon, stars, and candle girlie? You know…I really like working in the kitchen. I love prepping food for the week. I love cooking. It is peaceful to me. Does that make me a kitchen witch? Instead of fitting into the boxes that others create, maybe I’ll just work outside that box and find what works spiritually for me.

There is a book that I just recently purchased. It is called “Sacred Seasons: Nature-Inspired Rituals, Wisdom, and Self-Care for Every Day of the Year by Kirsty Gallagher. I am really enjoying the book so far. The author describes things like the wheel of the year and there are journal prompts with each chapter, which in turn discuss each season. I’m sure I’ll post more about that as I get into the heart of the book. The fact that there are prompts for writing is something I know I will really enjoy. Writing more is definitely something I want to get back to.

This journey will never end. There will always be something to learn. And I am learning how to be me again. Whether it is enjoying the outdoors again, along with our garden, or letting my words flow across the pages of a journal, or learning about traditions that our ancestors in the old country or our indigenous ancestors practiced, I am going to soak it all in and do it my way.

Right now, I am enjoying the moon, the stars, and my candles.