journaling – My Sterling Summer

It’s a lot

Dark Moon. New Moon. Solar eclipse. The Year of the Fire Horse. Ramadan. Mardi Gras/Lent. Imbolc. Did I miss anything? Spiritually, there is SOOOO much going on right now. It’s no wonder I am feeling the way I am. Restless. I can’t think of any other way to describe it.

Work was a shit show today. So f-ing busy that I feel like I did not accomplish anything! It’s evening now and for the last couple of hours I’ve just been wandering around not really knowing what to do with myself. Deciding on a music channel to listen to is one of the few decisions made tonight. So I came here. Figured that as soon as I started tapping the keys, words would just start to flow. So my apologies if I end up just rambling on. LOL

I just saw this quote on the GMA website – “This year is known as the fire horse because it coincides with the fire element, which is expected to bring “a cycle of heightened passion, boldness, energy, and courage,” according to the Asia Society.” And I believe it! It does feel like things are changing this year. We shall see! And I’ll do my best to journal as much of it as I can.

Planning my garden for the year has also been something I’ve been working on. I know where I want the planters. And the purchases needed for the garden are planned out as well over the next several weeks. Right now, tomatoes, jalapenos, bell peppers, sugar snap peas, carrots, cucumber, beets, zucchini, summer squash, and butternut squash are at the top of the list. Kale, cauliflower, and corn are options as well. Eggplant did not make the list this year. As fun as it was to grow, I still have a bunch in my freezer that has gone uneaten. I should have given more away.

So I’m going back and forth between this and the interwebs. 😀 But I really want to pull a card from my Elemental Empath oracle deck.

Isn’t it beautiful? (That is a picture from the creator’s Instagram, no mine.

Okay, so I pulled the “Intimacy” card and well, I’m not gonna talk about that here today. That may be a message Spirit has for me.

So I pulled another and got “Expression.” Across the bottom of the card are the words, ‘Find Voice,’ ‘Bottled up Emotion,’ and ‘Communicate.’ This certainly resonates with me and I am certain others who may be reading this can relate as well.

As women, and of course not just women, but usually women, we are told to stay quiet, small, don’t make a fuss. We are conditioned. And we do keep it all in. But we don’t have to! It is not healthy to keep emotions all bottled up. Trust me, I know. It’s been a life long learning experience. Almost 56 and still working on it.

I’m thinking that this new year – The year of the Fire Horse is going to be incredible all around. Already we have been seeing people using their voices for good! We need to keep doing that. Find that voice. Use it to express yourself – often. We have a lot of anger right now and we are allowed to feel it. The main thing is expressing it in ways where we are not attacking others. Use that energy for good!

Using our voice to communicate and get those emotions out is so important. Whatever the situation may be. Setting boundaries. Expressing your needs and desires. Or even verbalizing the anger and frustration you are feeling about the world we are living in right now – Release it! (But in a productive way)

This one was short and sweet. If you read it, let me know. Leave a comment. Tomorrow is the New Moon. I’ll try to be back.

couch sittin’ and candle burnin’

Why oh why do I wake up so damn early on a Saturday morning with no problem. But during the week I struggle to get up? I will never understand. Maybe it’s so I can enjoy a mid-afternoon snooze later in the afternoon.

I’m sitting here on my couch. Laptop in hand, or lap as it were. My candle is lit and I am watching as the sun’s rays begin to illuminate the skies. Turning from the dark night sky to a beautiful orange ombre. Soon it will be the usual bright blue sky that we are used to during the warm autumn days.

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. I don’t know what it is. But I had a pretty dark moment. Just a feeling of…despair? hopelessness? It was just pure negativity. How to describe it, I’m not sure. Thankfully, it has turned around. I am strong and I know this.

Two years have passed since we moved to this small city. I have no friends here. Not that I had any friends in our previous town, but there was family. I should clarify, there was MORE family. Here it is me, my spouse, and my mom and stepdad. I work remotely, so there are no office acquaintances. I have met two neighbors on our street. We don’t get out a lot. But I am feeling like I need to start getting out at least some.

Going further back, I used to be more social. (shocking) We belonged to a local church and actually had friends! LOL It is there that I, unknowingly at the time, started the journey I am on now. I discovered how much I enjoyed cooking and serving others. While I didn’t do this in a church in our previous “home state,” I was able to do it for family. But now…that is gone and I need to get it back. Not the church part. NO. The service to others. Cooking for others. Fellowship, if you will. But with other like minded individuals.

Not far from my house is an apothecary. I never really gave it much thought – until recently. In fact, I have noticed quite a few of these stores in my general area. Having basically left the church 10 years ago or so, this is a pleasant discovery, considering my place in the universe right now.

Pause ~ ~ ~

Everything you just read was written a little over four months ago and saved as a draft. It all still tracks, so I’m going to keep going.

Carry on ~ ~ ~

I am sitting here with my laptop in front of me overthinking everything that I could write – as per usual. Literally just chatted with a friend who told me something I was pretty sure I already knew. Gotta lose the filter. There is this terrible habit I have. Sometimes I try to write in a way that others would enjoy. Story of my life. Please other people. No. No more.

So what is my place in the universe currently? I am living in one of the reddest states in the country watching our government go to shit. I have been so fucking stressed, anxious, and depressed it’s not even funny. Most of the country can totally relate. I am sure of it. Thank God I have family and friends to help keep me going.

Finding myself, or my purpose in this world, seems to be my life long quest. Wait…that sounds familiar.

(please hold while I look back at my past posts)

Wouldn’t you know it? Exactly one year ago today I was saying the same damn thing. LOL So yeah, the past 12 months have been a bit of a soul searching journey. Sadly, not much has changed in the social status situation, but some things have.

I have learned more, and continue to learn, about the wheel of the year, kitchen witchery, candles, crystals, oracle cards, and I have even posted a few videos on social media about them! Never thought in a million years that I’d put myself out there like that. I do like it and would like to do more for sure.

Oh! I even found a shop in the city that is absolutely amazing. I have never seen anything like it. Crystals, candles, incense, books, jewelry, tarot and oracle cards for days, and so much more. Just walking in there was an experience. I felt it throughout my whole body. Another trip to that shop is in order for sure. But I have to be careful not to walk out with 10 new oracle decks. 😀 (is there a way to add emojis? I’ll have to figure that out)

Speaking of tarot and oracle cards, I pulled a card from my Queen of the Moon deck this morning. It was the “Power” card which says:

“Step into your true power. Shine brightly. Do not hide who and what you are. The time is right to attract big things for yourself. Ancestral energy is important. Open your mind to larger possibilities. Big magic can be wrought…Take this moment to recognize that power and rejoice in it, for your next step is the precursor to your future self.”

This message along with a few other cards I’ve pulled from my other decks recently really feel like the Spirit is telling me something. This new year has the potential to be a great year. Good things won’t just happen, but if I put my work into it…

Then my friend, who is like 2000 miles away, pulled a card for me from her La Muci Tarot deck – “The Hermit.” Basically saying that now is the time to bathe in my own light – time to cultivate it. Yeah. It’s time. I need to focus. Be more me. Stop people pleasing and enjoy life.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy The Olympics! Enjoy The Super Bowl! Listen to some awesome music! Oooh ~ I’ll share a new song I just heard today. Blessed Charlie Puth is bringing Yacht Rock back. (Wait til you hear the one he recorded with Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald *swoon*) I need this album next month. Enjoy!

crystals and cards…

So I guess I have made some progress! In the past 10 or so months I’ve gone from my first moon water to having a window sill full of crystals and stones, a drawer full of candles, and even purchased my very first deck of oracle cards. Queen of the Moon Oracle to be exact. It is a beautiful set. I was inspired by a woman I follow over on TikTok. She is new to the practice as well.

The road traveled this year has been somewhat rocky. Stress, anxiety, a garden that I didn’t put my full effort into and still struggling with the whole “I don’t fit in” type of thinking…you know. Those kinds of things. But I know I am moving forward. One step at a time. There are so many things that I want to learn! I have a very bad habit – no, that’s not the right word – character trait? I don’t know. Whatever it is, it makes me get frustrated that I can’t just learn and absorb all of this information instantaneously. LOL Probably ADHD if I’m being honest.

Astrology, crystals, kitchen witchery, candle magick, oracle/tarot, goddesses and gods, – these are all of the things that I want to learn more about. My practice will most certainly be eclectic. And over time, I may be drawn in one direction more than another. The trick here is not to keep overwhelming myself. Because there is so much information out there, it is easy to do. I know I’m repeating myself from other posts, but it’s like another reminder to focus on one subject at a time.

Right now, I want to look at the three oracle cards that I pulled yesterday. Or should I say, the three cards that basically jumped out at me. And if you’re reading this and you use oracle and/or tarot cards and wonder why I’m looking at cards pulled yesterday, well, maybe my card pulling schedule is going to be different. I may use the cards weekly for now. Everyone’s life schedule is different. That’s all!

First up is Balance. This card is actually quite appropriate at this moment. It says that “Extremes of anything are rarely helpful or useful.” Expecting myself to learn it all fast is the extreme. Certainly not helpful or useful. I need to balance the various areas of my practice as I am learning more about them and becoming more comfortable and knowledgeable. We will probably never have ‘perfect’ balance in our lives. But it is important to recognize where the imbalance is (and I’m starting here) and use self-reflection as a tool to help get ourselves/myself more centered and feel less overwhelmed.

The next card is Pleasure. Essentially this card is telling me that I need to stop taking things so seriously, like being stressed out about learning everything at once, and focus on what makes me happy. The booklet that goes with the deck says what we all know. Life these days has gotten us to feel like we have to be ‘doing’ all the time. Like if we aren’t always keeping busy with something, we’re being lazy. No! We need to take breaks in life so that we can experience pleasure. Whether that is a quiet evening on the couch with a glass of wine, candles, and a good book or an afternoon at the museum or heck – you may want or need a good roll in the hay with someone and enjoy each other! LOL

Lastly, I got the card of Self-Reflection. (Funny how the Balance card mentioned this topic) “Be curious about your own nature. Choose to turn inwards to quietly contemplate who and what you are and want.” Talk about a perfect message! One of the things I tried to start during this year is shadow work. But there were so many things buzzing around my brain that it was just another thing that got thrown into the mix and forgotten. This pairs well with the Balance card for sure.

So for me, it will be important to try to set a sort of schedule. With the things going on in my life, it’s not always easy trying to fit something in every day. And some days may just not work at all. We all get exhausted sometimes and that is a hint that you/I may need to just take a day of rest…a mental health break of sorts.

Treat yourself.

Just be yourself

Have I mentioned how overwhelming the internet can be? I’m pretty sure I have. Dang. While one can glean much valuable information from the ‘net, you can just as easily get confused and discouraged. Taking a break is a good thing now and then.

One of the things that I had been mulling over in my brain was the “witch aesthetic.” What I mean by that is that the vast majority of posts/pictures that I see when browsing all have this dark academia, foresty, everything is brown and black kinda vibe. “Am I doing it wrong?” I was worried. I mean I know I have been told to just do what feels right to you. And my friend (who has her own practice) her home was not all dark either…except the front parlor room. LOL But a girl starts to doubt herself when so many others seem to be doing it “the right way” – – Until today!

Scrolling through witchy posts, I came across one where her home was brightly decorated and I loved it! It was exactly what I needed to see. I’m not the only one! Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the darker decor, in fact, I really like it, but it’s just not how I want to decorate at home. You should have seen my daughter’s bedroom. Wow…talk about dark. But it looked so good!

Originally, I had thought that the kitchen of my dreams would have beautiful ocean-y blues but I found a picture of a kitchen that I fell in love with. The colors were muted, not dark, but not bright white either. The farmhouse style sink was black and there was butcher block countertops, floating shelves, a gorgeous gas stove…it was nearly perfect. Who knows when we’ll be able to redo our kitchen, but we can dream. Or maybe sell this house one day and buy one that already has an amazing kitchen. I need a good kitchen.

That brings me to another thing I see online all the time. Labels. Everyone has a label. In fact, in a FB group I belong to, someone asked a question about the type of witch they are/may be, and someone answered with a HUGE list of types of witches. I was a little taken aback with that list. Which one am I? I already feel like I am more of a house/kitchen witch. But even the description of that doesn’t fit 100%. Seems like labels are more of a hindrance than a help. What do you think?

When I read about the “House Witch” it made me think of my paternal grandmother. Her home was the center of our family. Holiday gatherings and any other gathering you can think of was at her home. And she always had a feast set out for the group. I grew up with a very strong desire for my home to be the same one day. I dreamed about my immediate and extended family visiting and having that same magical feeling I had as a child. Unfortunately, It isn’t but my desire to feed an army has never left me. Cooking for my former church really helped scratch that itch, so-to-speak. It was wonderful! I just wish I could do the same again.

Let’s all be sure to remind ourselves that just because we see others practicing a certain way, that does not mean we have to do what they are doing. We do not have to fit into a certain mold when it comes to the way we may or not practice. I mean…I like brighter colors, I enjoy being in the kitchen cooking, creating recipes, sharing with others, the moon, the stars, candles, journaling and making moon water. What kind of witch is that? Who knows? Who cares?

Just be yourself.