couch sittin’ and candle burnin’

Why oh why do I wake up so damn early on a Saturday morning with no problem. But during the week I struggle to get up? I will never understand. Maybe it’s so I can enjoy a mid-afternoon snooze later in the afternoon.

I’m sitting here on my couch. Laptop in hand, or lap as it were. My candle is lit and I am watching as the sun’s rays begin to illuminate the skies. Turning from the dark night sky to a beautiful orange ombre. Soon it will be the usual bright blue sky that we are used to during the warm autumn days.

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. I don’t know what it is. But I had a pretty dark moment. Just a feeling of…despair? hopelessness? It was just pure negativity. How to describe it, I’m not sure. Thankfully, it has turned around. I am strong and I know this.

Two years have passed since we moved to this small city. I have no friends here. Not that I had any friends in our previous town, but there was family. I should clarify, there was MORE family. Here it is me, my spouse, and my mom and stepdad. I work remotely, so there are no office acquaintances. I have met two neighbors on our street. We don’t get out a lot. But I am feeling like I need to start getting out at least some.

Going further back, I used to be more social. (shocking) We belonged to a local church and actually had friends! LOL It is there that I, unknowingly at the time, started the journey I am on now. I discovered how much I enjoyed cooking and serving others. While I didn’t do this in a church in our previous “home state,” I was able to do it for family. But now…that is gone and I need to get it back. Not the church part. NO. The service to others. Cooking for others. Fellowship, if you will. But with other like minded individuals.

Not far from my house is an apothecary. I never really gave it much thought – until recently. In fact, I have noticed quite a few of these stores in my general area. Having basically left the church 10 years ago or so, this is a pleasant discovery, considering my place in the universe right now.

Pause ~ ~ ~

Everything you just read was written a little over four months ago and saved as a draft. It all still tracks, so I’m going to keep going.

Carry on ~ ~ ~

I am sitting here with my laptop in front of me overthinking everything that I could write – as per usual. Literally just chatted with a friend who told me something I was pretty sure I already knew. Gotta lose the filter. There is this terrible habit I have. Sometimes I try to write in a way that others would enjoy. Story of my life. Please other people. No. No more.

So what is my place in the universe currently? I am living in one of the reddest states in the country watching our government go to shit. I have been so fucking stressed, anxious, and depressed it’s not even funny. Most of the country can totally relate. I am sure of it. Thank God I have family and friends to help keep me going.

Finding myself, or my purpose in this world, seems to be my life long quest. Wait…that sounds familiar.

(please hold while I look back at my past posts)

Wouldn’t you know it? Exactly one year ago today I was saying the same damn thing. LOL So yeah, the past 12 months have been a bit of a soul searching journey. Sadly, not much has changed in the social status situation, but some things have.

I have learned more, and continue to learn, about the wheel of the year, kitchen witchery, candles, crystals, oracle cards, and I have even posted a few videos on social media about them! Never thought in a million years that I’d put myself out there like that. I do like it and would like to do more for sure.

Oh! I even found a shop in the city that is absolutely amazing. I have never seen anything like it. Crystals, candles, incense, books, jewelry, tarot and oracle cards for days, and so much more. Just walking in there was an experience. I felt it throughout my whole body. Another trip to that shop is in order for sure. But I have to be careful not to walk out with 10 new oracle decks. 😀 (is there a way to add emojis? I’ll have to figure that out)

Speaking of tarot and oracle cards, I pulled a card from my Queen of the Moon deck this morning. It was the “Power” card which says:

“Step into your true power. Shine brightly. Do not hide who and what you are. The time is right to attract big things for yourself. Ancestral energy is important. Open your mind to larger possibilities. Big magic can be wrought…Take this moment to recognize that power and rejoice in it, for your next step is the precursor to your future self.”

This message along with a few other cards I’ve pulled from my other decks recently really feel like the Spirit is telling me something. This new year has the potential to be a great year. Good things won’t just happen, but if I put my work into it…

Then my friend, who is like 2000 miles away, pulled a card for me from her La Muci Tarot deck – “The Hermit.” Basically saying that now is the time to bathe in my own light – time to cultivate it. Yeah. It’s time. I need to focus. Be more me. Stop people pleasing and enjoy life.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy The Olympics! Enjoy The Super Bowl! Listen to some awesome music! Oooh ~ I’ll share a new song I just heard today. Blessed Charlie Puth is bringing Yacht Rock back. (Wait til you hear the one he recorded with Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald *swoon*) I need this album next month. Enjoy!

k